Illustration by Yana Peeva
My Dream Senior Year Self is Never Going to Arrive. But I Am Okay With That.
It is all crumbling before my eyes. I graduate in a semester, and it feels like nothing is put together. But it is fine.
Oct 30, 2025
I am not who I thought I was going to be. Every fall, I have seen visions of perfection, ones that have been approaching closer and closer. The Andreja that would have it all figured out – good grades, a world-changing job at a prestigious firm, a diverse friend group who exclusively hangs out on campus green spaces, all on top of a workout routine nothing can get in the way of.
I always knew this was a fantasy. A highly unrealistic version to aspire to. What I had not anticipated was how little of myself I would have figured out by senior year.
I was so sure I would know my destiny by now. I would have my cause figured out, my niche sorted, and well promoted on LinkedIn. I would know exactly what I want and how to get it. I would only take classes I liked, and my capstone would be a paper that changes the world of political science.
The reality feels very different. Senior year is far from what I thought it would be. I feel anchorless, floating somewhere aimlessly across assignments, commitments, and interests. I am scared and overwhelmed, yet lazy, with a tendency to cut every corner. The countdown for winter break started before fall break even commenced, for what is seven days of rest if the grind continues on the eighth?
And yet, stopping is not an option, not when I am so close to the end. The only way is forward. Forward through the unknown of my future, of where I will be in May, and when I will get to see my friends again.
I think this is fine. I do not have the answers. Hell, I sometimes don’t even have the questions figured out. But I know one thing – I will be fine. Maybe it is stupid to believe in faith, in the maxim that everything happens for a reason, even if I do not understand for a while what that reason is.
Regardless, I believe. I believe in myself, the path I walked, and the lessons I learnt. I do not doubt myself like I used to, questioning if I could really push through. I did and I will.
So, if you are a fellow senior feeling like nothing makes sense, you are not alone. I do not think it does. But it will. Maybe it will make sense tomorrow, or next week, maybe in spring, or 2 years from now. But we have what it takes to push through. So maybe this is fine.
Andreja Zivkovic is a Managing Editor. Email them at feedback@thegazelle.org.
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