“You’ve got a friend in me” by Randy Newman is the most classic representation of how Gen Z was taught to appreciate friendship since the release of Toy Story in 1995. Children are taught from a young age that there is always going to be someone they can count on, whether that is family, friends, or partners. Someone who will be proud of them and will support their success. But is friendship guaranteed, or rather, does friendship guarantee happiness in our lives?

Epicurus was an ancient Greek philosopher who founded the philosophical theory of Epicureanism, based on the idea that pleasure, or “hedone” in Ancient Greek, (maximum happiness with no pain according to each individual) is the most important good we can obtain in life, and we should aim for it at any cost (pleasure, in this context, refers to reaching a place of no pain and simplicity but depending on every person’s different interests).

He believed that in order to achieve pleasure, friendship was one of the most valuable steps to take. Friendship according to him was a source of security and safety. More specifically, he believed that friends act as a safety net against external threats and misfortunes since the gods themselves do not interfere in human affairs. He also viewed pleasure as the absence of pain and disturbance from the simplicity of life and claimed that a safe companionship guarantees the fulfillment of a simple life by taking away hurt and pain. As friends, you may experience similar things on similar life paths and thus may be able to help each other along the way.

He did not believe in the idea of political life, one where people focus on exercising power or forming political alliances; rather, they should build friendships as stable and fulfilling means of survival, as opposed to finding satisfaction in material objects that are not stable. For Epicurus, political dialogue was anxiety-inducing and conflictual, deviating human focus from unfiltered, genuine affection, a value he deemed imperative to seek. Hence, one should constantly critique the transactional nature of human relationships and also consider the corresponding sentiment to be part of political discourse, centering genuinity and communal well-being.

I have no disagreements with how Epicurus viewed happiness, pleasure, and life, and his school of thought is more understandable to the modern person than that of Aristotle or Plato, but I do think that our perception of friendship has changed since then. We may still value friendship as a fundamental necessity but we are also now severely influenced by capitalism, careers, and ambition from a young age due to our Western democratic surroundings. In my view, many modern ideas are shaping a society where friendships are increasingly formed based on how well they align with our goals - whether to advance our careers or climb the social ladder to the next LinkedIn milestone. I am not saying there is anything wrong with making a new friend at work or connecting with like-minded people who later become business partners. But I do think our intentions have shifted - we now prioritize our wants over our genuine needs.

We chase after a desired outcome in most friendships without even realizing it, wondering how those people can enhance our lives. It is something we often do instinctively - pursuing connections even when we know, deep down, that we do not truly align with the other person. Still, we continue, not because of who they are, but because we idealize what the relationship could be, rather than accepting it for what it actually is.

I feel that we force relations in every place we coexist with others just because it will bring a safety net, and we forget that friendships cannot be forged; it is all a matter of simplicity and genuineness as Epicurus would phrase it. However, people tend to seek material support rather than genuine friendship.

Epicurus emphasized that for pleasure, the life you should lead should be simple. One can assume that that means easy and fortunate choices – if you do not lead with simplicity, you are prone to mistakes that are likely to cost you your happiness.